Age is but a number. Ever hear that one? Ever notice it's usually in defense of a young person who has the hots for someone far older than themselves? That's not why I'm using it...I was just thinking about how that's often the context in which we hear it in. Not tonight.
Age is but a number. I'm 22 years old. I still have most of my life ahead of me and oh so many memories still yet to make. But today I don't feel 22. Today I feel like I am at least 100, possibly 110. I just feel old, and tired.
I've told my friends and I'll say it here. I've always believed that I am an old soul in a young body. I don't really play well with people my age. I prefer to read, crochet, attempt knitting, cook, paint and spend time outdoors. I DON'T like rap, excessive drinking, drama, pop music (most days..some days I'm into it), those funny stupid movies like Anchorman, overtly dirty jokes...pants. I really really hate pants. I walk around most days a grumpy, easily offended little old lady. At least on the inside, that's me. I'm pretty good at throwing on a smile and making everyone believe that I enjoy being out in public. (Not to say that I don't have a handful of friends whose company I thoroughly enjoy.) Let's be honest. I cause problems out in public. I get hit on by...well everyone and I never know how to handle it so I just play along stupidly thinking it will make them go away. I do this every time. There is something wrong with me and it makes roommate worry.
On the other hand. I'm also happy a lot. I love little kids, anything sparkly, sappy romance-y stuff (unless it happens in real life, then I gag), etc. I am 110% a contradiction. I make no sense.
Oh wow. I got side tracked. Whoop. Sorry.
Right. I feel old today. I'm just...done. I dunno. Maybe I feel old and tired because I don't belong in this time period. My moral code, my music taste, my hobbies, they are all more suited to a young woman in the 1930-40s than 2013. I'm just not a current girl. I think that spending time with family, or watching a sunset with your own eyes is more important than a status update, or an instagram picture or a tweet. I don't think that today's music is good. I think it sucks. Who cares that some guy is running around buying your grandpa's clothes from the thrift shop? Ok Wait. Pause. Why is that even a song? Seriously. Who cares? I don't get it. Can't we focus on more important things than the next Bachelor or Bachelorette? Can't we use our amazing ability to reach hundreds of thousands of people on the internet via social networking websites to say something a little more intriguing/thought provoking/smart than what we had for lunch, or what silly little thing just happened to us? Don't get me wrong, I get caught up in this trap to sometimes. But I guess what I'm saying is..I think it's high time we started focusing our energy on something a little more substantial. Something a little more gutsy, something a little more "we are the future". Something we can be proud of.
That being said. It's Lent. The period in the Catholic calendar right before Easter. During this time, according to the Bible, Jesus went out into the desert for 40 days and nights, and fasted and prayed before he was publicly executed. During Lent, we are supposed to give something up in our own little fast. Unfortunately, most people just give up something random for the 40 days and don't really think anything of it. That's not the point of Lent. Lent is about making a sacrifice. It's about making a sacrifice and then praying about it. It's not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be challenging. It's supposed to make us think about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us so that we could live. For Lent this year. I'm giving up the mindlessness. I'm giving up getting involved in the next flash in the pan. I'm giving up all that junk that clutters my mind. I'm going to make an effort to read the Bible more. I'm going to make an effort to be more social, to be more informed, to make myself useful. To not just being another human being who just puttered on through life. I want to stand out.
What about you??
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