"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34"

10:39 PM

I am sitting here with a tear streaked face, mascara everywhere and nose running, still breathing that funny choking breath of those who are still trying to recover from a major sob fest.

The credits are still rolling on my screen, but I am no longer paying attention. I am still processing what I have just witnessed over the past 2 hours. It is the night before Easter Sunday and I have just finished watching "The Passion of The Christ". I had never watched the whole movie before.

I am a Christian. I went to a Christian school from kindergarten until 12th grade. I literally grew up in the church. Basically what I am trying to say is that I know the Bible. I know the story of Jesus, practically by heart. I have heard/read it at least 50 times and that is probably low-balling it. I've studied his story, even gone in depth about what it would be like to be crucified. I've studied all aspects of how Jesus died.

However, that whole saying about a picture being worth a thousand words is 100% true. Watching the Crucifixion take place onscreen before me was a completely different ball-game. It also put into perspective exactly what Jesus went through just so that my soul would be saved. The physical pain must have been immense. I have no idea how he withstood the flogging, never mind carrying his cross up the hill and then finally the Crucifixion.

Just one thought was knocking around in my mind the whole movie.

 "He went through all of this pain and suffering so that mankind could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and I am not worthy. I am not worthy."

I mean, it's true. What exactly have I done that warrants someone giving up their life for me? I am just a lowly sinner along with the rest of mankind. But that's the point isn't it? I am just a lowly sinner along with the rest of mankind. Yet Jesus died so that I may live. He gave up his life so that I wouldn't be condemned to Hell under the burden of sin, a burden that I can't bear. I am a lowly sinner who has found her redemption in Jesus Christ. A lowly sinner who wishes nothing more than to have the world see how wonderful her God is. A lowly sinner who hopes that her thoughts and actions always point to her Savior. (They don't. I fall short sometimes, but it's something I will struggle with until the day I die. It is the cross we as humans bear. We are not perfect, we strive for it, but is is unattainable. Only through God can we be made worthy.)

So as my tears dry, and I wipe the mascara smudges from my eyes, I thank the Lord that he has provided me with such a wonderful life. I thank him that he sent his son to die for me on the cross. I thank him for loving him unconditionally, and I pray that maybe through my actions I may bring others to know him and his works.

I hope that each and every one of you is blessed with knowing God's love. I hope that you are able to see him and feel him in your lives the way that I do. I hope that you will accept him and know him and love him, because....It's the only way to live.