Meanwhile in Chernobyl...

*insert annoying ringtone here*
Isn't that always the worst, when you wake to your annoying ringtone that you really hate and want to change, but keep because you hate it so much you actually get out of bed when it goes off so you don't have to hear it anymore?

Today is Friday, a gross, rainy, sluggish Friday. A not so great Friday. My day started with aforementioned annoying ringtone and just went downhill from there. Next, I got some wonderful news from my mechanic. Basically, they can't find the part they need to fix my car. If they can't find it, and they are still trying *fingers crossed*, I need a new car. SIIIIIIGH awesome. I can't really afford a new car right now so I'm really hoping they find the part.

Then, I went on autopilot and tried to drive to Job 1, even though I was on my way to Job 3, which of course made me 5 minutes late. Yay. Job 3= babysitting at the gym I go to so Mommies can workout for an hour and a half. I had my regular,s two adorable children, Baby Girl age 2, and Cutie Pie (little boy age 4). Except today Cutie Pie decided he was gonna play with these giant wooden blocks we have in the babysitting room, which was fine until he accidentally rammed it into Baby Girl's head with enough force to completely knock her off her little feet. This of course was a recipe for disaster. Instant screaming and tears. I rushed to Baby Girl and swooped her up to try and stop her crying. I thought it was just a little bump. Oh no. Giant blue bruise instantly. It was swollen a good 1/2 inch off her forehead with a foreboding line right in the middle. So, of course I had to have her grandmother stop her workout to come get her, because poor Baby Girl has to go to the doctor's to make sure she is ok. Obviously I'm feeling super awesome about myself right now. The only good thing about this was that after they left, I went down into the Cardio Room and had the best 45 minute workout of my life to work out all my frustration.

Let's see, oh yes, then we had blatant taking advantage of by my employers at Job 1, followed by frustrated temper tantrums by a 6 year old and getting yelled at repeatedly by an 11 year old on a power trip.

Well played Universe. Well played.


Don't worry it got better once I got out of work. I went out to this really awesome Tapas restaurant with Best Friend and her family. If you don't know what Tapas is, it's fantastic. It's basically a meal made up of a whole bunch of little appetizers. We had stuffed eggplant, roasted duck, guava paste and bread, honey toasted goat cheese, chicken, butternut squash risotto, fried calamari, lamb chops, duck, duck and more duck. I learned that I am a huge fan of duck, it is fantastically delicious. We also had a pitcher of sangria, which I have found I am also a huge fan of. Then we had flan and churros for dessert. Basically I probably won't eat for days I'm so full. But it wasn't just the food that made the night so special, it was the company. We could have been eating McDonalds (which would never happen because I don't eat fast food) and it would have been just as great. We shared stories, poked fun at each other, made jokes, laughed, we laughed a lot and we even talked politics. I also saw the funniest picture I think I have ever seen in my life. (see below, if you don't get it, google Chernobyl) Overall, it was just what the doctor ordered for my bad day.

So, as I lay here still in a food coma even though I've been home for a good 30 minutes (and it took me 25 to get home). I raise my eyes up to Heaven and thank God for such a wonderful evening. I thank Him for putting such wonderful friends and second family in my life. I thank Him for all that he had done for me. Even though my day had a horrible start, I know that God only throws what He thinks we can handle at us, nothing more. I may complain about how my day started, but I handled it, and God even threw me a bone at the end of the day. Thanks Lord, because you know I really really needed it.

I am still dying of laughter. This picture just cracks me up every time I see it.

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34"

10:39 PM

I am sitting here with a tear streaked face, mascara everywhere and nose running, still breathing that funny choking breath of those who are still trying to recover from a major sob fest.

The credits are still rolling on my screen, but I am no longer paying attention. I am still processing what I have just witnessed over the past 2 hours. It is the night before Easter Sunday and I have just finished watching "The Passion of The Christ". I had never watched the whole movie before.

I am a Christian. I went to a Christian school from kindergarten until 12th grade. I literally grew up in the church. Basically what I am trying to say is that I know the Bible. I know the story of Jesus, practically by heart. I have heard/read it at least 50 times and that is probably low-balling it. I've studied his story, even gone in depth about what it would be like to be crucified. I've studied all aspects of how Jesus died.

However, that whole saying about a picture being worth a thousand words is 100% true. Watching the Crucifixion take place onscreen before me was a completely different ball-game. It also put into perspective exactly what Jesus went through just so that my soul would be saved. The physical pain must have been immense. I have no idea how he withstood the flogging, never mind carrying his cross up the hill and then finally the Crucifixion.

Just one thought was knocking around in my mind the whole movie.

 "He went through all of this pain and suffering so that mankind could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and I am not worthy. I am not worthy."

I mean, it's true. What exactly have I done that warrants someone giving up their life for me? I am just a lowly sinner along with the rest of mankind. But that's the point isn't it? I am just a lowly sinner along with the rest of mankind. Yet Jesus died so that I may live. He gave up his life so that I wouldn't be condemned to Hell under the burden of sin, a burden that I can't bear. I am a lowly sinner who has found her redemption in Jesus Christ. A lowly sinner who wishes nothing more than to have the world see how wonderful her God is. A lowly sinner who hopes that her thoughts and actions always point to her Savior. (They don't. I fall short sometimes, but it's something I will struggle with until the day I die. It is the cross we as humans bear. We are not perfect, we strive for it, but is is unattainable. Only through God can we be made worthy.)

So as my tears dry, and I wipe the mascara smudges from my eyes, I thank the Lord that he has provided me with such a wonderful life. I thank him that he sent his son to die for me on the cross. I thank him for loving him unconditionally, and I pray that maybe through my actions I may bring others to know him and his works.

I hope that each and every one of you is blessed with knowing God's love. I hope that you are able to see him and feel him in your lives the way that I do. I hope that you will accept him and know him and love him, because....It's the only way to live.

Relax. I have a plan guys.

Generally I am 100% cool with the fact that I am chronically single with short intermittent periods of being in a relationship. I'm not very good at being a girlfriend. I'm headstrong, stubborn, independent and don't like letting people know what's going on in my head. Also, I hardly have time to see family and friends, I don't have the time for a man in my life. With working 4 jobs, going to the gym 3 times a week, going to church and spending quality time with family and friends I generally only have about 4-5 hours a week of down time and I prefer to spend that time curled up  in a chair reading a book...alone. If left to my own devices, I would become a recluse. Sometimes I find being around people is exhausting. I have a low tolerance for idiots, small talk and gossip.

HOWEVER.

The thing I hate most about being a Bachelorette? The fact that every.single. male that comes into my life is suddenly marriage material to every.single. member of my family. I can't even say "oh hey, I think that is the little brother of one of my classmates from high school" without getting *elbow elbow* "he's cute right?" *wink wink* "go talk to him". >.< "guys...he's 17." "so?" ".....I'm 22."

Apparently it's unacceptable for me to be single at the age of 22. Since when did 22 become old cat lady??? It's a strange concept to me, because I was raised to be independent woman. I was taught to reach for the sky and keep pushing on until I reach my goals because "You can do anything you put your mind to". * I do not once recall ever being taught that I needed a man at my side to accomplish any of this.

So why, pray tell, is it all of a sudden essential that I have a man by my side?? It's not. I mean yes I want to get married someday and have children and own a house and all that. But. I don't want that right now! I just graduated from college and I'm about to go back to school to get my Master's. (I'm still overly excited about this and just had to take a short happy dance break.) Also, no offense guys, but I have NO desire to date ANY of the men currently in my life. I have a lot of great guys in my life, but they are all 100% friendship material. Nothing more.

That being said. Dearest family. I will someday meet the person I am supposed to be with. But until then, please get off my back. God has a plan for me, and right now that plan doesn't involve a man. I have very large dreams to accomplish and right now a relationship is on the back burner. So please just trust that I know what I'm doing, even when it looks like I don't, because eventually everything will fall into place. K? ok.

* literally every single day "Devon you can do anything you put your mind too". Every.single.day. 

Unadulterated Joy

"Happiness hit her like a train on a track. Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back." (Thank you Florence and the Machine, your music always perfectly expresses what I'm feeling)

Today was just a normal day. Get up, make breakfast, work out. Go to work, hang out with a close friend after work. Except.

Except that when I came home, there was a rather large envelope with my name on it sitting on the counter. A rather large envelope from Lesley University. A rather large envelope that had the potential to crush all my hopes and dreams for the future. A rather large envelope that informed me that I am now a grad school student.

That smile hasn't left my face since my mother read me the letter. She had to read me the letter because I was hyperventilating/dancing like a maniac around my kitchen and couldn't read out loud. I am exploding with wonder and awe and happiness. Every 5 minutes I oscillate between random bursts of excited dancing and fervent praying in thanks to God. It is so wonderful for my life to finally feel as though it's on track. I know without a doubt that this next step in my life is exactly where I need to be. It just feels right and everything is falling into place.

All I have left to say is that I hope that someday this wonderful feeling of pure unadulterated joy someday unexpectedly hits all of you.

Stop. Listen. Do.

Age is but a number. Ever hear that one? Ever notice it's usually in defense of a young person who has the hots for someone far older than themselves? That's not why I'm using it...I was just thinking about how that's often the context in which we hear it in. Not tonight.

Age is but a number. I'm 22 years old. I still have most of my life ahead of me and oh so many memories still yet to make. But today I don't feel 22. Today I feel like I am at least 100, possibly 110. I just feel old, and tired.

I've told my friends and I'll say it here. I've always believed that I am an old soul in a young body. I don't really play well with people my age. I prefer to read, crochet, attempt knitting, cook, paint and spend time outdoors. I DON'T like rap, excessive drinking, drama, pop music (most days..some days I'm into it), those funny stupid movies like Anchorman, overtly dirty jokes...pants. I really really hate pants. I walk around most days a grumpy, easily offended little old lady. At least on the inside, that's me. I'm pretty good at throwing on a smile and making everyone believe that I enjoy being out in public. (Not to say that I don't have a handful of friends whose company I thoroughly enjoy.) Let's be honest. I cause problems out in public. I get hit on by...well everyone and I never know how to handle it so I just play along stupidly thinking it will make them go away. I do this every time. There is something wrong with me and it makes roommate worry.

On the other hand. I'm also happy a lot. I love little kids, anything sparkly, sappy romance-y stuff (unless it happens in real life, then I gag), etc. I am 110% a contradiction. I make no sense.

Oh wow. I got side tracked. Whoop. Sorry.

Right. I feel old today. I'm just...done. I dunno. Maybe I feel old and tired because I don't belong in this time period. My moral code, my music taste, my hobbies, they are all more suited to a young woman in the 1930-40s than 2013. I'm just not a current girl. I think that spending time with family, or watching a sunset with your own eyes is more important than a status update, or an instagram picture or a tweet. I don't think that today's music is good. I think it sucks. Who cares that some guy is running around buying your grandpa's clothes from the thrift shop? Ok Wait. Pause. Why is that even a song? Seriously. Who cares? I don't get it. Can't we focus on more important things than the next Bachelor or Bachelorette? Can't we use our amazing ability to reach hundreds of thousands of people on the internet via social networking websites to say something a little more intriguing/thought provoking/smart than what we had for lunch, or what silly little thing just happened to us? Don't get me wrong, I get caught up in this trap to sometimes. But I guess what I'm saying is..I think it's high time we started focusing our energy on something a little more substantial. Something a little more gutsy, something a little more "we are the future". Something we can be proud of.

That being said. It's Lent. The period in the Catholic calendar right before Easter. During this time, according to the Bible, Jesus went out into the desert for 40 days and nights, and fasted and prayed before he was publicly executed. During Lent, we are supposed to give something up in our own little fast. Unfortunately, most people just give up something random for the 40 days and don't really think anything of it. That's not the point of Lent. Lent is about making a sacrifice. It's about making a sacrifice and then praying about it. It's not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be challenging. It's supposed to make us think about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us so that we could live. For Lent this year. I'm giving up the mindlessness. I'm giving up getting involved in the next flash in the pan. I'm giving up all that junk that clutters my mind. I'm going to make an effort to read the Bible more. I'm going to make an effort to be more social, to be more informed, to make myself useful. To not just being another human being who just puttered on through life. I want to stand out.

What about you??

The Scent of Memory

The crinkle of the plastic wrapper, the slightly cinnamon-y scent of the cracker, and the feel of cardboard in my hands. These three things are so familiar to me that for a bit I am transported back several years. All of a sudden I'm 7 or 8 years old again, sitting in my grandparent's house, eating grahm crackers and drinking milk while we watch The Price is Right. I relish in this, because I know that the next time we sit at this table it will be lunch time, and they will make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich and change the channel to Barney even though I outgrew it about 5 years ago, even though I tell them that Barney is for babies every time.

Baby Girl (the little girl I watch Tuesday mornings) decides that I've been standing still, lost in thought far too long and she really wants that graham cracker in my hand. So, with a very loud "Augh!" she launches her spoon at me from her high chair as if to say "Hey! What's taking you so long?!" Shaking my head I feel the memories slip away as I bring myself back to the present, and calmly and sweetly remind Baby Girl "oh no yelling honey, say please. Can you say please?". She responds with repeating the "puh" sound for the next 5 minutes intermittent with the smacking of her little gums and teeth as she munches on her "na" as she calls it.

Later, when Baby Girl is taking her nap, I find myself thinking once again about my grandparents. All four of them. All gone now. I realize that I don't think of them often. I remember back to the last time I had all four of them in my life, I was 8. It's been so long that it seems they have slipped away, yet every once and awhile, like today they come rushing back. Whenever I smell graham crackers, or everytime I see a crow (long story, but one of my grandfather's used to make crow noises...) or whenever I play cribbage with my father. Little memories that seem far away, like they belong to another lifetime. Little memories that come crawling back, memories triggered by a specific sight, touch, smell or sound. Memories that remind me that I carry those I have lost with me always. They are always there just past my reach, never quite in focus, but always there when I need them.

Today, this post is just to remember those I have lost. Family and friend. Those who have left this earth and are now living peacefully and joyfully with God. I miss you all and I love you more than words can say.

Rest in Peace

Dorothy Boucher
Antoine Boucher
Natalie Cote
Robert Cote
Bobby Cote
David Cahill Sr.
Skip Cote
Uncle Bud
Aunt Rosemund
Lisa
Aunt Shirley Wrubel
Jane


Don't forget to remember those who have left this walk of life. They lived joyfully, and while there is a time to mourn, there is also a time to remember all the wonderful memories they have left us with. All the joyful times that they brought smiles to our lips and to our hearts.

The Internet is Scary

Roommate (my roommate from college who I still call roommate so I can pretend we still live together) and I were online shopping via Skype today. You know. Looking at beautiful dresses on websites we can't afford and sighing over it all.

modcloth.com

lulus.com

lilyboutique.com

These are fantastical websites that have beautiful dresses, and I would be very happy if they just appeared in my closet someday. Like this beauty.

http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/storied-romance-dress

Anyway...I found some other "beauties" on modcloth.com and I use the term beauties VERY loosely.

Here are some of the highlights. Enjoy.

 http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/safari-supper-dress
Just in case you need to look sexy while on a safari.

http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/leaves-of-class-dress
You wear your Grandma's clothes. You don't look incredible.

http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/don-t-skip-dessert-dress
Or. Skip dessert and you won't have to wear this dress.

http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/great-lake-shimmers-dress
Forgot your portable disco ball? No worries. Just wear this.

http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/flare-and-square-dress
The 70s called. They want this dress back.

And lastly, but definitely NOT least

http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/steppe-it-up-dress
So you can blend in, just in case you are being chased by an axe murderer at the zoo.

Seriously. There are some very misguided dressmakers out there.

Well I hope this was as much entertainment for you on a very very snowy evening as it was for me.

Goodnight, and please NEVER buy any of these dresses. I will hunt you down and take away your credit cards. For real.